10/30/2013

Yesterday was interesting as hell.
Mike called me
Mike is my ex husband who left me for another woman and caused my life to fragment.  Everything started with him leaving now with Rick I am trying to put the pieces of my shattered life back together again.  Anyway he called to apologize we ended up talking for two hours.  Updated him on what has been happening he told me he dreams of me.  That he thinks of me often.  Off and on I told him what all he did the damage he caused.

Rick thinks I am going to leave him to go back with him.  I feel insulted that he would even go there with me. That he thinks I could be so hurtful not to mention stupid.  How could I ever trust a guy who cheated on me.
1. HE CHEATED I could never trust him again.
2. He smokes never dating a smoker EVER again.  When I started seeing Rick he wasn't a smoker but he started up again.
3. He lives with his mother that is almost as bad if not worst then living with Judy.
4. The boys hate him.
5. He lies
6.  I LOVE RICK and want very much to make this work.
The only thing I liked about that relationship is He spent more time with me then Rick does.  No matter how much I try Rick does not want to spend time with me.  He says he does but he rather spend all flipping day on his computer then with me.  I also miss having someone to shop with.  Rick hates shopping I hate the check out part.  He wins though I shop alone EVERY time.

Yesterday was also Cody's Birthday
I had to work so everything fell on Rick.
He made Cody his taco's they were really good
He made pumpkin Cake per Cody's request that was good
He made pie that was interesting not in a real good way.  Not his fault just the recipe he used.
Cody's gifts didn't show up.  That made me upset.  The one was supposed to fed ex said they were leaving it by the door... Rick's wood for the guitar showed up but not the cd for Cody.

Tyler got bad news while getting lettuce for Cody's dinner he ran into a lady that works at paws she informed him that Romeo a cat he liked at the shelter was put to sleep in her words she didn't want to deal with his birth defect. (romeo couldn't hold his poop) Tyler is very devastated.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Later<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<


Work went well I am so tired though bearly any sleep.
Get to come home to Rick being all Emo about me talking to Mike.  He wanted to me to talk to him.  Though I am sure he didn't expect me to talk to him for two hours.  Not like I have anyone one else wanting to talk to me.
Tempted to call him only because it was nice having someone to talk to.  I wont though
1, I don't need him to think I want him back because I don't
    Really to be friends with him would still be to painful.
2. I am sure most of what he told me was a lie.
3. I would never hurt Rick and though he wont admit it me talking to him does hurt him and causes him insecurities.  Because I have WAY more respect for him then he does me I wont call Mike I am not sure I will even talk to him if he calls me.
I wont put myself in a position where I can fall in love with anyone else ever again.  Mean as it looks now Rick wants nothing to really do with me.  Trying to spend time with him is like pulling teeth.  He pulls the whole this is how I am CRAP mike used to.  That is how he chooses to be and if he chooses to be alone then why am I here.  Really why am I here.
Instead of trying to fix things he would rather say I am leaving to be with Mike that way he don't have to put forth the effort because in his mind I am already packed and out the door.
Which to me is insulting that he thinks so little of me.  That he thinks I would be so low.  Gee thanks Rick ... thanks for nothing.